……………my response is………………..meh! Yep that’s right, after my first day spent mainly in orientation, all I have to say is meh! But don’t be confused, I’m VERY happy I have a job (especially in this economy) and I’m actually VERY sure I’m going to love what I do (even though I think I’m underpaid). Learning that my company is a subsidary for one of the top big pharma companies in the world has me thinking about a LOT of things……………..like finishing med school, skipping residency, and working in big pharma. The thing is, that you must do a residency to consider yourself a Pathologist and THAT is my ultimate goal (although I think a few folks with PhD’s in Pathology may disagree, lol??). But you gotta love the amenities present at big companies, the fabulous cafeteria, work decor, bonuses (YEAH!!). OTOH, I’m really interested to see what the corporate “vibe” is like at this company since EVERY company has a vibe.

Still, when I look back on my first day, the main things that come to mind are that: 1) I’ll enjoy being a PA while I bide time until medical school (assuming the federal gigs don’t pan out) and 2) I’m ultimately fine tuning skills I’ll need as a Resident in Pathology.

,,,,,,,,whatever the hell I can get done with a decent mentor and in decent time!

The following are thoughts NOT definitive plans………………………………

So these govt positions I’m applying for, have me thinking more these days about what I’d get my PhD in (and in a strange twist, have also kept the fire on my plan “A” to begin a 5 year med program in the next 2 years). One thing I don’t think I’m interested in doing is a lab based research project simply because my experience these past few years have really put a bad taste in my mouth. Besides if I’m in the lab, I’d rather do something related to addressing health disparities and for whatever reason, such topics seem far off in the distance at this point in my career (translation, I’ll have to wait until I get the Dr. to do the kinda research I really want to do). Pathology, Pharmacology (YIKES!!), and Chemistry are all areas I’m made progress in but those would almost certainly require 1) a lab based project and 2) full-time commitment ie won’t work for some of the positions I’m applying for. My ideal project would be something that had both a lab element and believe it or not, policy element and the only areas I can think of that fits that mold that I have some background and interest in is Biodefense/Infectious Disease or Environmental Health/Infectious disease! Jumpin’ johosephat, where’d she get THAT from?

Lets see, I now have ~20 hours toward an MPH in Infectious Disease Epidemiology mainly from my days as an Epidemiologist and I’ve recently completed ~12 courses total in the area of Public Health Preparedness/Biological and Chemical Terrorist agents. And 6 of the 8 govt jobs I’ve recently applied for require experience in those very areas. Ironically, I’ve avoided jobs at places like the NCI, FDA, ect because I just don’t want to do that type of work anymore. And I figure if I have to delay matriculating in med school, I may as well expand my professional horizons in an area that’s really interesting, pays very well, and has some opportunity to travel (think the movie Outbreak, although Ebola is NOT on the menu of ANY of the jobs I’m looking at). However, what I have to be VERY careful of is getting into the “you MUST finish your PhD before the MD” situation that a LOT of med school would require. OTOH, who knows, if I keep the 5 year MD med school in the loop, there’s no telling what they may let me do, and there’s no hurt in asking. Med students take “leaves of absence” all the time to do ALL kinds of things and it would be fantastic if I could do the very thing a close friend of mine was able to get a local school to let her do to earn her MD/PhD. In fact, she got her PhD from a school on the West coast while maintaining a govt fellowship/position (during 3rd year as well), so talk about knowing the right people and working the system? So many options, what the hell to do?

In the meantime, I’m still a PA getting ready to start a new position next week (unless they change my start date again without telling me first). I’m still lovin Pathology obviously, perhaps more so since I see how applicable to so many other fields and career options Pathology really is. The thing is I wonder if my general attitude about working as a PA until med school would change if I was paid what real (translated certified) PA’s make? Honestly, probably a LOT, LOL!!!!! But on a superficial note, I do miss looking fly going to work everyday which is what I’d get to do in ANY of those govt jobs on my list. Working as a PA? Not so much, and if it weren’t for the fact that one of my mentor Pathologist is such a fly lady herself, I probably wouldn’t think it possible. But I guess in any job, it’s important to stay true to yourself, whoever that is and if it’s being fly, then so be it.

In the course of mulling over a job announcement I received today from a contact I have in the “defense” area of the federal gov’t, I said to myself “Dam girl, career wise, you’re kinda all over the place”!!! To which I responded to myself (but not out loud because that would mean I needed a straight jacket,lol”) “No, I’m VERY clear that the commonality of EVERY job possibility I’m condering right now is the word disease”. So there you have it, Path201X LOVES the study of diseases which surprise, surprise, the field of Pathology is all about. What I am quite uncertain of is exactly how this study of “disease” in going to manifest itself into my life over the next few years, however I am comfortable in my assertion that it will………………..somehow.

The thing is that this recent job opportunity is unlike ANY other one because it affords me the opportunity to not only make a mind blowing salary in the low to mid 100K range (daaaayum!), but more than that, like an NIH job, could also provide an opportunity for me to finish my PhD as well………………………………………………. Well, well now THAT’s a thought I hadn’t seriously considered in a LONG while. So why has THIS come back into the radar screen? This gig would require a 3 year commitment on my part so rather than spend that 3 years away from medical school “just” working, I’d finish my PhD for no other reason than to stick with my goal of finishing the MD/PhD…………………………………….one day.

……and that field of pathology would be Medical Examiner. When I was in junior/senior high school, my all time favorite show was Quincy MD, and that where I initially go the idea to become a Pathologist. In fact, it’s listed in the yearbook directory as the career I wanted to pursue. What changed my path was the violent and brutal death of one of my close friends from junior high school, during high school.

Over the past few years, I’ve thought off and on about the area of Forensic Pathology and used to communicate quite regularly with a resident who was doing her training in that area at one of the Harvard affiliates. So why does this come up now? Well because in my journey to find something to do related to Pathology over the next 1 to 2 years, this field came back into focus because as a trained Chemist, I could earn a VERY good salary working in a Forensics laboratory. Of course, that would likely require employment for government facilities which I wouldn’t dare name in a blog (and in fact I suppose if I really did get to work at one of these places, I may have to temporarily retire my blog until med school). At any rate, it’s borderline fun looking at all the possibilities and a great feeling to know that despite how bad the economy is, my training hasn’t been in vain.

Not 2 hours after I extolled the virtues of my industry position in my last post, than they decided to delay my start date by a week. Of course, that would be dandy except that the start date they gave me was 11/24 and I changed ALL MY THANKSGIVING plans including cancelling my flight reservations to go see my sister so I could start during a holiday. And to make matters worse, the human resources contact I’ve tried to reach for the past 4 days unsuccessfully, failed to tell me about it. I had to learn it from my new boss in a matter of fact kinda way.

Needless to say I’m beyond angry and upset by this unprofessional display, and I feel that this little stunt was in response to me taking a few days to accept their offer/turn the necessary forms/get the preemployment physical out of the way. Had they told me to get things done by a certain day or else my start date would be delayed, I would have happily complied. BUT THEY DIDN”T and didn’t have the decency or courtesy to let me know otherwise. Now in my 20+ year employment experience, when  a company starts out being an arse, things don’t tend to improve from there. I’m guessing because we’re in a recession I was supposed to jump at the underpaying, under titled position like a starving man at a saltine cracker. Yep I’ll gladly do that………when I know the reward at the end of the journey is an MD. In the meantime, I’m so VERY glad I didn’t cancel my second NIH interview scheduled for this Tuesday. Better yet, this little delay in my start date gives the person I’m interviewing with at the NIH time to consider me and who knows? They just may offer me this 10K higher paying, higher titled, better benefits, job just in time for me to tell the industry folks, “thanks dudes, but I’ve got a better offer from folks who are professional and know how to keep their word”.

So have I mentioned lately how much I despise the “games” played in Industry, lol???

I always find it amazing the idea that you never know when/where you’ll find the inspiration to stick with your career goals. Case in point, my recent preemployment physical for the industry position I think I’m concerned I’m going to find “challenging” in unpleasant ways.

My physician was a woman, I’d guess about late 50’s early 60’s, who had previously been rejected from med school, decided to get married/start a family, then reapply to med school many years later. Once again, she didn’t have luck getting into a US med school so she went to AUG in Mexico for 2 years. transferred to Temple University, and is now a double boarded physician in EM/IM (that’s an unusual combo). She also owns 2 urgent care clinics, including the one I saw her at. Her advice to me was that 2 years would go by before I knew it, but that I should hang in there! This jarred my memory that the Pathologists at the company I’m going to work for, gave me permission to attend the Pathology review board meetings at the company. Of course, I have no idea what this is about, but I hope in involves discussing cases on some level. I’ve also decided that since I really hit it off with 2 of the Pathologists I interviewed with, I hope that while I’m there I can count on at least one of them to be a mentor.

So I guess this post is about my personal reflections on why God brought this particular opportunity to my attention (especially considering that I’d been unsuccessful getting an interview for a Scientist position a few years ago) and how I for the past few days have come to some sort of peace about my decision to work there. I’ve thought to myself, how many times have I gone into a situation thinking the worst to only have it be the best experience ever? Plenty! Then there’s the possibility (according to my mother) that I could do so well that after a short time I’m not only promoted but given a raise too! As I’ve learned before, in industry, ANYTHING can happen!

I’m done with stats (YEAH!!) and now finalizing my research paper. I’m also applying like a mad woman for jobs with the federal gov’t. Why? Because I know without equivocation that industry isn’t the right place for me even if it’s only temporary. Which makes me feel like I’m chasing my tail.:(

The thing is that there’s absolutely NO rhyme or reason for the jobs I’m applying for except that I want to get be a Scientist that gets paid, and paid a LOT of money as in close to six figures.  I’ve just suddenly come down with some real life common sense and decided that while I love pathology, there’s no way in hell I’m going to EVER make close to six figures without either 1) Going to school to become a certified PA or 2) Becoming a Pathologist. Luckily and quite unfocusedly (is that a word?), I’ve got a TON of experience to fall back on in terms of gigs I’m eligible to apply for. Some that come to mind are Chemist for “Pick your agency” because I can’t count the number of them that are hiring Chemists with experience from the FBI to Homeland Security. Then there are the what I call the Public health type positions which require experiences in epidemiology, environmental health, and here’s a term that should sound familiar, biological and chemical weapons. Happily, ALL of them pay from 85K on up, so this idea that you can’t make decent money being a Fed is complete and utter foolishness!!!

At any rate, these days I’ve been thinking a LOT harder about when would be a good time to finish my path of becoming an MD, and when those thoughts start to get me down, I just keep in mind that almost everyone I know with families, with few exceptions, had to alter their time lines for finishing med school for one reason or another. And once again, I recall the nurse turned MD who waited until her kids were out of high school before she went back and I ask myself if maybe I should do that too. One thing, it sure would be helluva lot easier at least mentally.

Speaking if kids, my daughter has been going through what can best be described as preteen angst. Of course, my mother would knock me upside the head with a shoe or something, so I don’t recall having this problem when I was a kid but nowadays, that type of thing would be considered child abuse. Not that I’m the upside the head with a shoe kinda Mom…anyway, I have seriously gotten side tracked here!!! Bottom line is that home is more stressful than it usually is and I’m almost certain I’m aware of the cause of this angst, we’re just trying to deal with it one day at a time. Oh well, gotta love motherhood. We are having some good times too though like a recent trip to the mall ( I HATE shopping) where we spent our mealtime talking about nothing special, when she blurted out, “wow, that’s a cute boy”. So I start looking around and I don’t see anyone close by except a preteen Asian boy, so I ask her, “who are you talking about”, and she says “that cute Asian boy”. WHAT?!?!?!? Not the little BLACK boy getting ice cream with his Dad way over there? NOPE!!! OK, so I’ve known since she was about 2 that while she has nothing against cute little Black boys, she prefers cute little Asian boys which I’m certain makes my dad turn over in his grave, lol. My attitude is that I really don’t care but neither her dad or stepdad are cool with that but at this point, I think they are just going to have to get over it. So welcome to America, a true melting pot!!!!

So I decided to take the position in industry and I’m seriously hoping that in a few months I’m not posting about regretting it. To be honest, it boiled down to stability or maybe I should say, the appearance of stability. The NIH gig would have been another temporary position and the industry gig was permanent with better benefits, like family medical leave which I may have to use depending on how my Mom who is ill, does in her treatment. But what I can I say, I have to continually remind myself that I’m blessed and that things could ALWAYS be worse.

Over the next 2 weeks, I’ll be working toward finishing up my paper and my research design/stats class ends tomorrow as well! I’m SOOOOOOOOO thrilled since stats isn’t my forte. My new position doesn’t start until Nov 24th, the week I was going to see my sister, so that’s kinda of a bummer but hey, in a recession who’s complaining about starting a well paying job?

In other news, relatives have come of the woodwork asking to stay with us during Obama’s inaguration. Man, Chocolate City is going to be super duper chocolate in January, lol!!! Personally, I’m sitting back waitng on all the watermelon and fried chicken jokes to pop up everywhere which probably speaks to the fact that I need to adopt a new view on race relations in this country. I guess we’ll all see what happens with that.

EVERY black person in America I’m certain is proud of and recognizes the importance of Pres. Obama’s win! And I for one NEVER thought in my lifetime there would EVER be a Black president (who claimed his heritage). I’m predicting that Michelle Obama will go down in history as certainly one of the smartest and certainly the classiest First ladies that ever lived in the White House.

So what tempers my celebration? Well 2 things, first Obama’s supposed lack of support for Affirmative Action and 2) The idea that opponents to AA will use his win as proof that it isn’t needed anymore. Unfortunately, I think many Blacks are expecting their lives to change the instant Obama takes office but those people in society who would like to prevent minorities from achieving success are STILL out there and some are in charge. Obama’s win should cause Black folks to step up their game, but I’m concerned just the opposite may be true. On that note, no one man (besides God) has to power to change much of anything is a person’s life and some of the comments I here coming from Black folks lead me to believe that many of them are going to be in for a rude awaking because they have what I call misplaced faith.

Moving on, I resigned from my current position though I haven’t decided on where I’m going next. I have until Monday to make a decision, so I’ll be deep in thought and prayer over the next few days. Today, I’m thinking of taking the industry position and seeing how it goes. I could always transfer to another position within the company after 3 moths if I’m completely dissatisfied. Well see…….

So now I have 2 offers to consider, NIH and Industry or stay where I am, and right now I don’t know what to do. I probably won’t stay where I am because because the money isn’t anywhere close to right, but one thing is crystal clear and that is there’s no way in hell I will EVER stop until I become a MD/Pathologist. The opportunities even if I never practice are endless and the pay is solid. 

With that said, I’m a person that believes that everything happens for a reason and clearly being satisfied with 2 Master’s degrees isn’t where I’m supposed to be based on my job offer from industry. One very frustrating thing about thos so called “job opportunities” is that the pay is lacking and certainly NOT what I expected given my extensive experience and education. More than that, it’s not what was advertised for the position I applied for. In other words, I’m tempted to say when I’m interviewing “when you prepare to offer me a salary, offer me the white dudes salary” because I can unfortunately confirm the fact that the average salary of Black women is ~60% of white men, all things being equal (that figure is not much better for white women with them making 75% of what white men earn). To give you more perspective, the pharma company is offering me a position that pays 2K LESS that another big pharma company offered me in 2000, EIGHT YEARS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!! And I just want to ask “are you out of your freaking mind”!?!?!?!? Now I understand that I’m waaayy over qualified for the position experience and education wise, but so what? They will reap the benefits of ALL of that while I’m on the job so I think I should be compensated appropriately. Not only that, the position I was offered wasn’t the level position I applied for which is beyond wrong IMHO because at this point in my life,  medical school is the ONLY career I’m wiling to be a low man on the totem pole again in. THE ONLY ONE!!! Then there’s this respect thing that doesn’t happen when you’re not only NOT paid what you should be paid but everyone in your area is at a higher level than you. Some people tend to, in my professional experience, use your head as a urinal. Well, thanks but NO thanks! And to top things all off, this department is primarily women, to which I respond with an emphatic “hell to the naw”!!!! Bottom line, I already know going in that this position isn’t going to work for me, the only thing I’m asking myself now is should I even bother with negotiating for a higher salary at an appropriate level.

On the job front, my current job reached it’s peak of strangeness when I was passively aggressively referred to as a “flaming idiot”. Now I’m not one to even come close to losing  it on a job but after this comment which was followed by another person commenting that “some people’s parents ought to teach them home training”, I came about as close as I’ve ever come to lighting up the place light a Christmas tree at Christmass time. Oh yeah, and all of this was over an empty water pot, yep you read that right, AN EMPTY WATER POT. So here’s the story. I get in before everone else in the morning, you know all the folks who lie on their time sheets about when they came in…..opps my bad, I digressed………so because I get there early, I usually take the liberty to fill the water pot EVEN THOUGH I RARELY USE IT. We call this kindness where I come from. However, on a couple of occasions I have admitted to leaving the pot empty usually around 3:00 PM when most people have long since had their morning tea. So about 2X/week this one certain employee has noticed it emptied and gone completely off the deep end about it. I ignored it in the past because I knew it didn’t apply to me. However on Thursday, I was having lunch with the only men in our group (I tend to avoid socializing with women like the plague but that’s another post), when one of the men drank the last of the water from the pot. I was on my way back to the lab, so I offered to refill it, but unfortunately I forgot. No problem, until Miss Hot Tea Pot came screaming into the lab about the “flaming idiot” who left the pot empty. This went on with her female cronies for about 5 minutes about 3 feet from me, when the other cronie started going off about parents and home training. Well that was the last straw because you don’t have to watch reruns of Good Times to know that Black folks don’t usually take too kindly to indirect or direct references about their Mama’s, espeically given that right about now, mine is dealing with a serious illness. So I walk about 3 feet over to them and say in my lowest but terse voice “Let’s get this straight right now. I’m the flaming idiot with no home training that forgot to fill the water pot, I FIRST filled up before ANY of you arrived this morning. Now are there any other comments, suggestions, or questions”? Well of course being the passive aggressive cowards they obviously are, they scattered like roaches in a room full of light and I went back to PAS staining my slides. HOWEVER, as soon as I got home, I worte a letter to our boss about this situation which I’m sure she had already been informed about as as soon as things went down.

Now I’ve worked about 20 years, and in that 20 years I have NEVER been called outside my name. Not on the job anyway,lol. But what I know for a fact is that my black arse could never in a million years get away with calling anyone anything but their name on a job. Yeah, my black arse would have been tossed out the door like yesterday’s salad. So it will be real interesting to see exactly how my boss is going to responsd to this little bruhaha. In the meantime, a profesisonal letter highlighting this incident will be sent to human resources about “Little Miss Hot Tea Pot’s” crass comment for HER employment record. Now I have to be real careful about how all this goes down because my boss is 2 steps removed from my mentor in the Pathology department, whom I know very, very well from attending conference and sign out (and doing the dam thing in the pathology tip while I’m there). OTOH, there are so many things I want to tell my mentor about the things I see/hear going down in the lab that are just plain OFF!!!! But you know, I’m trying hard to keep a low profile because my mentor is not only an adcom, but a future professor and possible dissertation committee member. Man, the games you have to play to get ahead in life………………………

Finally, I did cast my absentee ballot for MCCain for president, voting Democratic in every other race on the ballot. And I feel good despite the fact that members of my family have essentially disowned me for not voting for “my people”, but hey, I don’t vote based on race, I vote based on issues important to me. We’ll see what happens, either way, I’ll be OK with whomever wins.